Please watch the video below of an adorable 5-year old girl. Then listen to me rant about why her parents need to be smacked.
“I don’t want to marry someone if I don’t have a job first.” Appropriate expression of a proud, independent young mind, or bizarre rejection of the most basic instinctive desires of a normal little girl?
I say the latter. Little girls are supposed to want to play house and dream of husbands and babies. This desire in young women is a driving force behind the survival of our species. If girls didn’t want to get married and have kids, how the hell would any of us have been born?
Now, if at a more mature age–say, 16 or 18 or 25–a young woman decides she has personal passions that she wants to fulfill beyond the initial goal of wedlock and reproduction, that’s fine by me. In fact, I have stated many times that the woeful under-utilization of women in society is one of the biggest fuck-ups of the past six thousand years. But for Christ’s sake, don’t make a woman choose between a job and a marriage! This is a bastardization of everything feminism should stand for! Hell, don’t make guys choose either! Young people should be free to find love and purposeful careers. Not that any of us actually find purposeful careers, even when we look. And this girl is saying she refuses to get married before she has a job? Gah!
Here’s why this is so creepy to me. This girl is young and impressionable. Things she learns at age five will stick. This might be cute right now…but imagine her at 35, sitting alone at a bar, drunkenly saying all this same stuff to anybody who will listen to her. Believe me, I have bought many a glass of chardonnay for these gals. At 35, it’s not cute anymore, it’s just bitter. I don’t know what female role model she’s parroting here…her mom? Some kooky aunt? Jennifer Aniston? But it represents an indirect effort to deprogram something that was ingrained in all our brains by millions of years of successful ancestors, who had a desire first and foremost for survival, pair bonding, and reproduction. Can you imagine this girl meeting the man of her dreams when she’s eighteen years old, and kicking him to the curb to pursue…what, her real estate license? An undergraduate degree in psychology? Blech! Do people even learn practical career skills in college anymore? I didn’t. I learned how to get wasted and sleep with strangers and projectile vomit. And I went to a good school! Then when I graduated, the only jobs available all sucked! In fact, pretty much everyone’s jobs still suck! What the hell does this girl want a job for, anyway?! Ridiculous.
Dear Cute Little Girl,
You seem very smart and nice and pretty. If I might make a suggestion, when you turn eighteen, find the most handsome, caring, successful 30-year old guy you can, and marry him. He’ll be completely stoked to have found such a delightful woman who wants to marry him, and I’m sure he will support you if you want to become a doctor, or astronaut, or dental assistant, or whatever. Just as you will support him in his career aspirations. But it’s okay to get married and then find a job. When you get older, you will realize that jobs are something people generally hate, and you will not quite understand what the hell you wanted one so bad for when you were five. When this happens, and you realize you can have your cake AND eat it too, you can thank me by introducing me to some of your friends…I will be 43 and looking for a third wife by then.
Am I wrong? Comment below.