Why Women Date Assholes

8 Mar

My freshman year of college, one of my best friends was a girl named Lindsey. I remember sitting on her couch one night at her dorm after she found out her boyfriend had cheated on her. “Why can’t I find a nice guy for once?” she lamented.

Like so many men before me, I just sat there, consoling her, being a good friend. Oh, to have a time machine! I’d go back and say this: “Well, I’m a nice guy, and you seem pretty fucking content to pass me over even though I’m clearly in love with you. Maybe if you weren’t so busy banging every asshole football player or band member you met, you’d have time to give guys like me a chance.”

Oh, don’t worry. I’m (mostly) over it now. But I feel like the hot chick/asshole guy dynamic is explained away too often by the observation: “Oh, she must be really insecure.” Well what makes her insecure? And anyway, why would an asshole make her feel more secure than a sweet, loving guy?

You wanna know the truth? Assholes are assholes because they can afford to be. They’re that hot. Pick your poison: handsome, rich, funny, famous…any guy with one or more of these traits has license to be an asshole. Women aren’t just superficially attracted to any guy who is an asshole…or else Britney Spears would be dating the mean, drunken homeless guy down the street. No, women like cool assholes. And if a guy is cool enough to be desired by many women, he has no incentive to be particularly nice to any one woman.

Oh, but women are nice to assholes! Do you know how awesome it was for a woman to get with the alpha-male of the clan 50,000 years ago? It was a pretty sweet gig. While other men and women went hungry, the strongest male always got first dibs on food, and was able to provide resources and protection to any women in his care. And there was usually more than one woman. Just as we see in modern day apes, it is surmised that ancient hunter-gatherer groups often featured ‘harems’ of the best females for a single alpha male. And why not? One awesome man was enough to impregnate multiple women. And those women could be assured that the children they bore would have his genes, and that they, too, could one day grow up to be successful alpha males. Alpha males aren’t known for their kindness, or tenderness, or fidelity. But those traits weren’t as in-demand back then as food, protection, and good genes. I guess they still aren’t.

Understanding our harem-based ancestry explains a lot. Firstly, it explains why modern alpha male assholes like Charlie Sheen like to form their own “harems” of porn stars and strippers (or “goddesses,” if you will). Furthermore, I think this explains why so many women are content to be a man’s “mistress,” even when they know his primary relationship is with his wife. Back in the early stone age, it was a lot better to be the alpha male’s #2 or #3 babe than to be some loser’s #1. Would you rather have a ¼ of a delicious cheeseburger, or all of a shit sandwich? Assholes are cheeseburgers. Nerds are shit sandwiches.

So yes, women say they want “a nice guy.” Somebody who “has character” or “will be faithful.” Someone “intelligent” and “funny.” Somebody who “treats them right.” But under certain circumstances, they will alter their priorities. With this in mind, I have created a chart that explains my observations. It is based on years of clinical studies and you may need a degree in the applied sciences to understand it. But it explains the complex set of rules that determine who women are really attracted to:

Women will date a guy who: If he is:
Is a complete asshole Rich, Handsome, or Famous
Cheats on them Rich, Handsome, or Famous
Makes them cry Rich, Handsome, or Famous
Is boring Rich, Handsome, or Famous
Is stupid Rich, Handsome, or Famous
Is emotionally or physically abusive Rich, Handsome, or Famous

The problem is both men and women have failed to adapt to modern times. It turns out that women don’t need men to provide and protect as desperately as they did thousands of years ago. Tina Turner is letting Ike beat the shit out of her because she thinks she needs him, not realizing that it is she who is the hot, rich, famous one. She should have been beating him! Ditto Chris Brown and Rihanna. To me, that’s not just simple insecurity…that’s a hard-wired blindness to the evolving male-female reality, a result of our primitive brain struggling with the modern condition.

You, and you alone, are in charge of changing these evolutionary blind spots in your own life. Ladies, you wanna get screwed over by men who act like assholes? Fine by me. But every time you do, you help create the world you claim to despise. You reward the assholes and make the nice guys bitter.

And men, quit chuckling like it doesn’t happen to us too. Like women, we have over-reacted to an evolutionary urge to mate with women who can bear us attractive offspring. Ever heard a man say he wants a girl who’s “chill” or “down to earth”? Or how about “I’d love to meet a girl who’s funny” or “who loves sports” or “who can just hang out with the guys.” Uh huh. But what will men actually put up with?

Men will date a girl who: If she is:
Is dumb as a rock Hot
Is devoid of ambition Hot
Hates their friends Hot
Has no sense of humor whatsoever Hot
Hates sports Hot
Cheats on them Hot
Treats them like shit Hot
Is completely, totally batshit crazy Hot

Now, are there hot girls out there with great personalities? Sure. Are there successful men who are really nice? Of course. Are they extremely rare, and often already married, probably to each other? You betcha. Are the rest of us going to have to make some compromises? Yeah, but that’s not so bad. Better to compromise and be happy than keep getting screwed over for the rest of our lives.

In summary, we all seem intellectually capable of knowing what we really want. But when you dangle the sexiest of the opposite sex in front of us, it all goes out the window. Our whininess about the difficulty of finding good partners is eclipsed only by our rampant hypocrisy.

So you have two choices, society: 1) Override your primitive instincts and actually date the kind of people you claim to desire, or 2) Kill all the rich, good looking people of the world so some other traits can rise to the top. I’m good either way.

You may also enjoy: How To Marry Someone Hotter Than You

88 Responses to “Why Women Date Assholes”

  1. Jon Heller March 8, 2011 at 10:29 am #

    Awesome article as usual

    • Anonymous August 5, 2013 at 9:53 am #

      I do not find article interesting at all…

      • afarasati August 5, 2013 at 9:55 am #

        why you no find article interest? now me am sad.

      • Anonymous August 25, 2013 at 5:40 am #

        then get lost. =.=

  2. angie March 8, 2011 at 10:44 am #

    I see after years of research you’ve made a new ground-breaking discovery! haha. So spot-on.

    • Anonymous August 8, 2013 at 10:30 am #


  3. W. Axl Rose August 2, 2011 at 1:01 pm #

    Yeah, the solution the author proposed aren’t going to happen. And he’s wrong about what chicks dig. Chicks “CLAIM” they give a shit about looks and sure they have a role, but that’s not what is important. Ever see an ugly dude who doesn’t appear to be rich or famous with hot broads? It’s simple, he knows how to make the broad he’s with think he has a higher social value than herself.

    Back-handed compliments are a good way to lower her self-esteem (which thus lowers her judgment of her own personal value). Treating her like garbage is another way. How many chicks put out to the dependable, nice guy? Just fat chicks or the broads in their mid 30’s and older looking to settle (and they only are settling because their looks have faded to the point where the alphas want somebody hotter).

    Simply put, women are full of shit, because they believe they want that nice guy, Poindexter. But if it were true, that they really wanted that nice guy, why do they fall prey to every asshole who just uses them for their pussy?

    Guys on the other hand might lie and say we want that nice, “down-to-earth” broad, but we don’t really care about that. We don’t give a flying fuck about deep conversations with women. In fact, if we wanted stimulating conversation with friends, we’d hang out with our buddies. If we wanted a companion, we’d get a dog. All we really want is pussy and anyone who says different is a liar or a homo.

    It’s a shame too many parents raise their sons to be that pussy. That nice-guy that never gets the hot broads and settles for the fat crumbs. And then he jumps for that formerly hot broad (who really doesn’t want him, but she’s settling because her biological clock is running out).

    • rose May 16, 2012 at 7:17 pm #

      And simply put, those women who have dated are full of shit because that is what you choose because you are an ass hole….LOL!
      You are the failed abortion…. and if you only interested in women’s genitals, you should be the urine tube or the folds in the vagina… let me see your name would be W. Vagina Rose… imagine Rose in the vagina…..and I bet you are very fat pussy..
      I don’t give an shit for men like you… dependent on women.

      • Rosenliebhaber August 7, 2013 at 4:27 pm #

        fucking perfetto

  4. damselindistressx July 16, 2013 at 7:28 am #

    Reblogged this on damselindistressx's Blog and commented:
    This guy is one of THE best bloggers out here in the internet wilderness.

  5. Anonymous August 4, 2013 at 6:49 am #

    “women who can BEAR us attractive offspring”

  6. ahlost August 5, 2013 at 12:54 am #

    hmm.. true.. very true..

  7. theheartsleeves August 5, 2013 at 6:24 am #

    I find this a silly if not just venting article. People look for other people who have confidence. The idea that most people who get the girl are assholes is silly. Are men attracted to crazy women? Are women attracted to bad boys? Yes.. but this assumption that woman and men only fall for jerks is the excuse of the coward. You fall into the friend zone when you allow yourself too. When you wait for her to make a move. When you do not allow her to know that you are attracted to her and you are interested.. Its not the asshole who gets the girl, its the risk taker to let’s himself be vulnerable enough to let her know he likes her.

    If the author had told his friend he was in love with her, things might have turned out different. The author needs to get in the game, relationships are about com

  8. theheartsleeves August 5, 2013 at 6:25 am #

    f the author had told his friend he was in love with her, things might have turned out different. The author needs to get in the game, relationships are about communications, not silent admiration from afar..

    • Vi August 5, 2013 at 12:18 pm #

      Exactly this. Nothing draws a lady in quicker than a clear and genuine message of interest. Taking risks to land the one you want is part of what draws a person in… it helps to have way more to offer, but if you never step up and get yourself out there you never get to show anyone the rest of yourself that’s so worth knowing and loving. 🙂

    • Anonymous August 5, 2013 at 11:48 pm #

      have you ever liked a girl in school? its fucking scary. give the guy a break. he was a teenager back then. yeeessh

    • Anonymous August 7, 2013 at 7:15 pm #

      You could be right ..
      Or then again, you could be hot, and not aware of the reality for average looking or unattractive looking guys out there.
      There is some truth in what this guy is saying.

  9. Marri Champié August 5, 2013 at 6:58 am #

    I’ve ascribed to this “herd” theory for a long time now. Having observed and mediated on it, I think there’s even more to it that is completely unconscious and DNA driven than we might academically want to believe. Observe the tendencies of “herd” motivation in the more conspicuous examples (Tiger and his hot blond women, Charlie and his strumpets, etc) and you will observe similarities between the women. I theorize that DNA calls to DNA and that certain “groups” are formed unconsciously because our human genes know more than we do what will be “good” for the species in the long (breeding) term. I don’t think we necessarily should change (as you suggest) to learn to be content with second choices. Look what’s happened to the offspring of…, just America for example. People are getting fatter and lazier… less physical and with more health problems. We have ascribed to “marriage” with monogamous relationships, which means that someone is “settling” for second choice, or even third or forth because first choice (and second, and even third) is taken. It’s true that women don’t NEED the protection of a man to survive in this world, but it may still be a good idea to listen to the eggs when craving the sperm to fertilize them because in the long run, the DNA that drives human reproduction is wiser than we might want to reason it out to be.

  10. Angela Thia August 5, 2013 at 8:11 am #

    Reblogged this on Angela's and commented:
    What a discovery

  11. The Crispy Corner August 5, 2013 at 9:05 am #

    My response – http://www.thecrispycorner.com/?p=282

  12. Betty in NOLA August 5, 2013 at 10:36 am #

    Mostly, this is spot on. But. Your understanding of hunter gatherer tribes is a bit poor. In such tribes, women contributed 80% or more of the food and almost all of the housing and clothing items. Including some proteins from bugs, fish and shellfish that can be gathered. Men contributed tools and meat and protection from other men. That’s about it. The idle woman is an invention of the Victorian era when a growing and prosperous middle class tried to pretend that they were just like the upper class. Prior to that, most of humanity really couldn’t afford to let 1/2 of the population sit around playing with the baby and eating bon bons. She strapped that baby to her body and went out into the fields to farm or search for food. Thinking that paleo man did all the work and that paleo people mostly ate steaks is a male centric misunderstanding based on absolutely no science what so ever.

    • afarasati August 5, 2013 at 11:32 am #

      Actually, Paleo women didn’t farm because farming hadn’t been invented yet. The Paleolithic era, during which our brains most developed, spans about 2 million years ago to 10,000 years ago, when agriculture was first developed. I would say roughly 99.9% of science on the subject confirms this. Certainly women have toiled in many a field over the years, as have men, but not in the paleo era. But yes women worked hard during the paleo era too, I certainly never said they didn’t. But men controlled resources.

  13. anna August 5, 2013 at 10:59 am #

    Im so tired of hearing nice guys wine. Why are you attracted to the hot girl that doesnt want you in the first place. im pretty sure you ignore the average girl on the regular and make them feel invisible. Even my so called nice guy friends just want to get with me and bang me…all assuming im ok with it because i date guys with an “asshole” image….when in fact its more degrading than the asshole himself. Oh and btw….my ex was the nice guy….the guy that gets left for…and guess what…he bailed on me. Anyways…this is bullshit and im tired of hearing “nice” guys cry. Maybe you should see what the girl 10pounds overweight is doing…

    • theheartsleeves August 5, 2013 at 12:56 pm #


    • arkarup August 5, 2013 at 9:07 pm #

      no it is reality .. there are links on quora .. over the points you just raised … the moment you give importance to “nice” guys he is no more a “nice” guy …he would become asshole because he believes he can get mor importance ..
      Tension is required for sexual interest to blossom.
      So create tension on purpose

    • Nick August 7, 2013 at 7:52 am #

      Maybe you’re just not hot.

      • theheartsleeves August 7, 2013 at 8:46 am #

        Nick, I get that you probably get all the ladies or at least whatever facsimile that you have hooked up, that really is between you, your lotion and your HDTV, but if you ever do leave the house, you may find that Anna is out of your league… I would stick to giving yourself “the stranger” my friend.. at least until you get out there and see what real women are like and also, how to talk to them..

    • Anonymous March 22, 2015 at 7:42 pm #

      I was always bored with the “nice guy” the bad boys were more of a challenge. But to be honest I’d prefer an intelligent guy over a bad boy or nice guy. It’s always nice to be able to have an intelligent conversation and be able to discuss whatever. My point is it’s the challenge that we like. Musicians are also hot.

  14. V August 5, 2013 at 11:32 am #

    Bro, outstanding piece! Hilarious, witty, and made absolute sense. I think for anyone who’s ever been a ‘nice guy’ knows the extreme irritation when a chick sits there saying absolute bullshit like ‘Why can’t I find a nicer guy like YOU?’
    When women do that, they make the few remaining nice guys into assholes… That’s what happened to me! Lol.

  15. Vi August 5, 2013 at 12:12 pm #

    This topic has been explored… and the thing nice people don’t realize is what they call “nice” other people translate as “doormat” oh, sure you can call it other things, but what’s most attractive are people who bring something else to the table. Those so-called “assholes” you lament bring a lot to the table, and it’s not all immediately visible. Confidence and assertiveness are key things that get people noticed quicker and get their foot in the door to the place of the person they’re pursuing. Being an overly accommodating, clingy, needy lapdog is not attractive because it teaches people that they can mistreat you and you will keep coming back… not because you’re true-blue loyal, but because you lack the ability to put your foot down or to let them get out now and then without questioning glances. It reeks of desperation and of low standards and it’s off-putting.


  16. Steven Swenson August 5, 2013 at 3:09 pm #

    Bunch of whiny white knights in here, including the author. I understand what that mindset is like, believe me. I used to be just like that, and somewhat still am. But the difference now is I grasp what the issue is, so I can overcome it somewhat rather than let it control me.

    Women don’t go for assholes. They go for confidence. The reason it looks like they’re going for assholes is not because they’re insecure. It’s because YOU’RE insecure. They see a confident man who excites them when he pursues them. They’re especially excited when the man seems like someone great that they can look up to. You stand on the sidelines and see the very same man and think “What an asshole. Who does he think he is?” And then you rage at him AND her because oh, boohoo, I was nice to her. I served her loyally 24/7 and she didn’t do the same for me!

    That’s why you’re failing. Because you fell for one of the most disgusting frauds that society has ever perpetrated on us: The idea that love is selfless.

    Love is not selfless. It is selfish. Two people fall in love with each other because they WANT EACH OTHER. Not because they feel obligated to become each others’ servants. Each person in the relationship is there because they’re getting something out of it. They’re getting happiness, excitement, spiritual and physical pleasure, companionship, etc.

    Does this mean you should be an asshole? NO! Don’t fall for the trap of thinking you can only be a pansy or an asshole. You know what you need to be? Mature. But maturity can’t be faked. You can’t just think to yourself “How do I act confident?” and then do that.

    You need to stop worrying about getting the girl so much. If you have a void that you’re trying to fill, then you’re not relationship material. You’ll use one girl to fill the void and when you have nothing in common and nothing to talk about anymore, you’ll leave her for the next one that gives you attention.

    So instead, just work on pursuing your dreams in life. Work on pursuing your self-interest. What will make you happy. What kind of life you want to live. You can fill the void yourself by simply improving yourself. And when the day comes that you’ve become a better, more fulfilled, more independent, more confident person, then YOU’LL be the one that the pansy-assed white knights rage at when you get the girl that they were trying to guilt into accepting them.

    Do I have a girlfriend? Nope. I’m still quiet and hesitant. But I have no void left to fill because I have a better sense of self and a stronger ego now. I know it’s my own fault that I’m single because I simply don’t talk to girls, and my life isn’t together enough yet to earn the kind of girl I’d want anyway. But who cares. Being single isn’t so bad.

    • arkarup August 5, 2013 at 8:36 pm #

      every single commentator misunderstood the whole article ..
      the guy is not whinning … right now he is neither “nice”(doormat?) nor asshole(the winner??) right now here the blogger has turned a visionary … a seer who sees it in the naked truth for .. he does not despise or hate … he simply offers u options .. he simply tried to eleminated the primitive contradiction flourishing among us …read my comment and then rearead whole article you will understand who he is ..

      • theheartsleeves August 5, 2013 at 9:33 pm #

        Sometimes just because you like something it doesn’t mean that its dissipating the intangible questions of the universe.

        The response by many to this immature rant of a post was cogent and clear. Instead of telling us that the author “is wicked smart” tell us why he is right.

        Seems pretty clear that confidence and biological urge have similarities, but I hate to tell you, this blog didn’t discover that we are programmed against monogamy, anymore than your waitress invented toast.

        This original post is trite, angry, hurt and I think he needs to look inward to find the real problem.

        Now, with a spell check.. why do you disagree?

      • Steven Swenson August 5, 2013 at 11:00 pm #

        I think this “biological instincts driving the way human relationships work” thing is a bunch of bullcrap. That’s partly why I posted what I did. Because humans have free will, and you can explain the phenomenon of women falling for the “asshole” much better by looking at psychological incentives than by trying to explain it with evolution.

        What he was basically saying is that women have no choice but to be pre-programmed to fall for guys who will make them unhappy. As if they have no will of their own to weigh their options before making such a choice.

        The more likely reason why women go for “assholes” is because confidence and strength of character excites them. And maybe they just go with that excitement and don’t think rationally about what the consequences will be. In modern culture, women do tend to be more emotional than men, because they absorb the message that they should “follow their heart” and “nothing is more powerful than love”. So if anything, the mistake is probably just that they let their emotions lead them and don’t think rationally about love.

        Or maybe the woman and the “asshole” were happy together, but for some other reason, the relationship didn’t work out.

        Or maybe the guy really was just an asshole and the women mistook his confidence for good character when his confidence was really just hedonism.

        None of these possible explanations need to have anything to do with evolution. By pulling in evolution, you’re just being a determinist and denying free will.

      • Steven Swenson August 5, 2013 at 11:01 pm #

        (I’m an atheist by the way. I don’t reject evolution. I just reject “evolutionary psychology”.)

        • theheartsleeves August 6, 2013 at 11:03 am #

          You got that I was replying to your critic and not you right?

          • Steven Swenson August 6, 2013 at 11:18 am #

            I’m pretty sure I got that. I thought I replied to him and not you. I think this type of blog just sends you e-mails even if a comment isn’t a response to you, but I’m not sure.

            • theheartsleeves August 6, 2013 at 12:53 pm #

              Cool.. I thought we were pretty much on the same page.. Cheers!

      • xiaxiaoke03 August 6, 2013 at 8:02 pm #

        This bloggers “insight” is completely nonobjective. He doesn’t site any scholarly evidence and overlooks opposing viewpoints. In order to make a convincing argument you have to address all of the arguments which are counter to yours and explain why yours is better than that. You can just talk about Apes and Humans and overlook evidence that counters your claims.

        What is his take on Polyandry? This is present in several cultures present and past. Is it evolutionary or purely cultural? Why not address the sexist and misogynistic idea that men are entitled to sex, whether they are an asshole or a “nice guy.” Nice guys aren’t really nice guys if they are only being so for the sole purpose of seeking a sexual relationship to this girl who they are being “nice” to. How about being nice to all humans because that is the right thing to do?

        In general, I found this article biased and ill informed.

        • afarasati August 6, 2013 at 8:27 pm #

          Are you asking why evidence suggests primitive humans did not practice polyandry (one female, more than one male partner, i.e. two brothers) or asking why I didn’t mention polyandry? If it’s the first: by looking at sexual dimorphism and testicle size in mammals, there is a strong linear correlation to polyandry, and most people believe humans are much more prone to promiscuity, polygyny (one man multiple women, i.e. Charlie Sheen, described above), and monogamy, in that order of likelihood. So that’s why biologists don’t think humans are generally polyandrous. That and if you just look around the world you see it very rarely. If you’re asking why I didn’t mention polyandry, it’s because I can’t mention every fucking aspect of animal mating in under 1000 words and didn’t have time to see into the future and realize you would be concerned about it. I am sorry you found the article biased and uninformed, in the future I will just quote you and say “how about being nice to all humans because that is the right thing to do,” since that is clearly a more sober view of reality.

          Thanks for reading!

    • Jae August 9, 2013 at 9:12 am #

      Have fun waiting, my friend.

  17. afarasati August 5, 2013 at 8:49 pm #

    thank you! I, the author, am 33 years old. The anecdote I recalled from college was 15 years ago. I have since banged a bajillion girls, and would hardly call myself a doormat. Was just trying to explain the asshole dynamic from an objective place. Thanks for reading and understanding arkarup!

    • Amrita August 6, 2013 at 3:41 am #

      Well the tabular approach.. for men n women both was fab ! Being a gal I so know d facts listed abt women being dated on d criteria of being hot! lol.. Kudos ..grt work! 🙂

      • afarasati August 6, 2013 at 8:27 pm #

        thanks amrita!

        • The Gangsta August 7, 2013 at 9:13 am #

          I try not to be sexiest, so I’ll assume women do things because they are relatively rational and do what is in their own best interest (as do men). Women are not some mindless slave to their Darwinian past and do not want to group in harems. As a modern man I’ve taken feminism very seriously.

          With this assumption which is almost a truism women (well young women) like being treated poorly. This is what keeps them sexually excited. I’m obviously basing this on a small sample size of me but I’m the same person when I’m “nice” or an “ass-hole”. When I’m an ass-hole women fall for me, they tell me they love me, they tell me they have crushes on me etc.

          When I’m a nice guy I get dumped.

          I’ve not richer, or better looking, or taller, or stronger, or famous the only different is I’m a complete and utter using dick and they love it.

          If we’re using plausible but untestable pseudoscience as in the blog post you could say that in order to love the brain needs emotion. Any emotion towards a person creates a bond. Once you’ve bonded it’s easier to fall in love.

          In your post you took about attraction men have to women based on “hot”. What defines a man as hot is also how much of an ass hole he is towards you and how he treats other people. Just like a pair of nice, large, symmetrical breasts are attractive to a man a large penis and being an ass hole is attractive to a woman.

    • theheartsleeves August 7, 2013 at 8:50 am #

      The clear truth in this piece and the comments it generated is that wimpy shy emo guys are just as misogynistic and selfish as the “assholes” they hate.

      Grow up. Banging a bajillion girls doesn’t make you a man. Learning to truly satisfy one will do.

      Manchildren.. you need to grow up..

    • tony August 9, 2013 at 12:20 am #

      This is an AMAZING article! Very accurate piece, and I really enjoyed reading it!

  18. theheartsleeves August 5, 2013 at 9:27 pm #

    ” I have since banged a bajillion girls” ah… the male ego is so fragile.. I’m am glad you are no longer a virgin, but seriously… your response shows you miss the point and are still so carefully protecting your ego that you need to tell us that since then, you have had sex with many women….. so there..

    Really, you couldn’t parody yourself more.. Cheers!

  19. Progs August 5, 2013 at 11:14 pm #

    I think the trend is changing. I would rather be with a guy who is intelligent, sincere, ambitious and has the potential to succeed by his own effort, rather than marry a guy who is just rich, handsome or famous but boring or dumb or w/o ambitions.

  20. Cate August 6, 2013 at 12:01 am #

    Well…Honestly, its a bonus if he’s handsome. If he’s boring/ he’s a douche though, he’d be kicked to the curb quicker than he could say ouch. *ideal combination of great personality with the good looks in a guy* But I agree that we all have to compromise to a certain extend. eg. a funny person may not always be kind/gentle/very smart. So, it all comes down to what we want most from a partner. Personally, I would never whined about dating a douchebag because 1) I’d never start a relationship with such a person. But in the event that I accidentally date one, 2) I’d leave. No one get to treat me like crap and expect to keep me or 3) I’d keep it to myself because people will only laugh if I tell them.

  21. Walter Alexander August 6, 2013 at 12:26 am #

    wow this is a great article… pretty much spot on…

  22. Anonymous August 6, 2013 at 5:11 am #

    #2 it is, then.

  23. George August 6, 2013 at 5:44 am #

    The ‘harem’ based idea of early humankind is disputed, with some compelling evidence, in ‘Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality’ by Christopher Ryan and his wife. #Justsaying

  24. hara August 6, 2013 at 5:54 am #

    I actually find a guy who is rich, handsome and hot a put-off. When u date a guy with any one of those traits, u will start to feel insecure. Whether the guy is cheating on you or not or whether some other hot chick is trying to snatch him away. i am a girl and i do not deny that i like looking at good-looking guys but i would never date one. at least not on the road to marriage.

  25. Alpha Centauri August 6, 2013 at 10:10 am #

    He who hesitates, masturbates.
    While there are those who prefer to philosophize on blogs about what is or isn’t fair play – The alpha has scored with the hot girl.
    Gotta be in to win.. life ain’t a spectator sport…. etc, etc.
    “I really, honestly, truly, cross my heart and hope to die, prefer NICE guys” – Said no girl – EVER.
    Anyway, gotta go. There’s a hot girl next door with my name on her :))
    Btw – Illegitimus non Carborundum 🙂
    Alpha Dude.

  26. Anonymous August 6, 2013 at 4:07 pm #

    Completely WRONG! Women don’t date assholes because they are rich, handsome, or famous. They date them because assholes don’t give a crap about what they are doing or how they treat people, and that is an incredibly attractive trait to a woman. Also, assholes are usually the only ones to have the balls to approach an attractive woman and ask her out.. because they don’t care about the outcome. This is something that “nice guys” won’t do, so naturally the assholes get the pretty girls. Go check out “Real Social Dynamics, David DeAngelo, or google Pick Up Artists if you want a more in depth explanation about why girls go for assholes and not nice guys.

  27. Bastard August 7, 2013 at 6:44 am #


  28. Joshua August 7, 2013 at 9:03 am #

    I must say this is a good read.. The other book that i read that was pretty cool was by Joshua Pellicer.. =) Like his way of delivering how to pick up girls..

  29. surely August 7, 2013 at 12:28 pm #

    I think that’s a reasonable view at both sides’ motivations even if it is a bit narrow. I also think there’s a learning curve with dating jerks. Some of us do it once and realize we don’t need to put up with it and some of us never step oit of it.
    I can relate. It took two relationships with two assholes (and one was definitely an alpha male) to make me realize the flaw in what qualities I thought were so important. Now I’m still attracted to someone with success and stability (and ny definition of these does not = money) but focus most on how he makes me and others around him feel. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
    Sure. It’s common sense. But I think some of us just don’t realize why we like certain qualities and if it should be worth the trade-off.

  30. Anonymous August 7, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

    Want to give you a dose of reality here bro, because you are seriously lacking! The reason why no girl wants to date you is because of your sour and disgusting attitude. Reading this article I’ve already concluded you’re bitter, uneducated and downright misogynist. You probably watch a lot of porn and think you’re this amazing person who deserves all the hot chicks on earth but you’re just not “good looking enough”, not “rich enough” or just not “alpha enough”. That’s your ego trying to compensate for you actually being a massive arsehole.

    Seriously though dude, change your way of thinking and stop blaming it on bullshit. Women aren’t brainless and useless pieces of skin that come along as an attachment to a vagina, we’re people who, shock and surprise, have the same level of mental activity as you. Maybe if you begin respecting women more and having a generally brighter outlook on life, perhaps girls would consider dating you rather than putting you in the “too immature and annoying for me” basket (along with those annoying “alpha males” you describe).

    By the way, I think I speak for all women when I say this; all men are either like you, or the type of arsehole you describe, and it’s so goddamn rare to find a decent guy who doesn’t have his fucking head in the clouds believing we haven’t evolved past the neanderthal stage. Please, stop being an idiot and start being a decent person who’s fun to be around, and you’ll definitely surprise yourself. Doing this you can find a girl who you can be best friends with AND be romantically involved with.

    From a 21 year old who has plenty of time left on her biological clock, who’s in shape, happy and attractive, who’s currently in a long term relationship with a human being that’s not an actual dickhead; not an “alpha male”, not a “nice guy”, but a fucking human being capable of having a laugh, a cry and doesn’t adhere to strict gender stereotypes.

    • afarasati August 7, 2013 at 7:44 pm #

      What colorful language! and you say I’M bitter, eh…?

      I’d respond more but I’m not sure you read the same article as everyone else; I never said women were useless skin attached to vaginas. In fact the whole second half of the post was dedicated to saying men act the exact same way. But thank you for speaking for all women.

  31. f August 8, 2013 at 12:04 am #

    Awesome read!

  32. rebecca August 8, 2013 at 5:44 am #

    yeah, you sound like a well ‘nice guy’, saying ‘stop sleeping with the entire football team’ maybe you should stop leading women on, giving them fault hopes of friendships. women aren’t machines where you insert ‘nice guy coins and sex falls out. YOU are the biggest asshole here, lad. you need a serious reality check.

  33. Jae August 8, 2013 at 1:15 pm #

    Just curious as to what this whole American cultural infatuation with the “attractive asshole/badass male” might mean for American marriage (and even the American divorce rate). What does this mean for marriage? Certainly the asshole cant resist other women while married. I’m hesitant to jump to conclusions made from pop evolutionary psychology, as tantalizing as it may seem. As someone mentioned before, confidence is always attractive.

  34. Art by Peter Lewis August 8, 2013 at 8:11 pm #

    One of the finest pieces of well-researched anthropology I’ve read on the subject.

    • Jae August 9, 2013 at 8:09 am #

      LOL. Two words: Social Constructionism. *poof goes the thesis*

  35. dian August 9, 2013 at 6:36 am #

    Bitter much? 😀 but its a good read… agree to some points.. 🙂

  36. notasdumbasilook August 17, 2013 at 8:07 am #

    Honestly I don’t know why people are so offended. I am a 32 year old, female who actually found this post pretty funny and witty. I believe the author wrote this tongue-in-cheek and wasn’t really setting out to answer all the unknown truths out there (everyone is different right?). He is simply making fun of the “dating game”, which really can be one hell of a game. Even now, after being married a few years, I still look back at the awful experiences I’ve had with shy, “nice” guys, AND the bold ones and sometimes you really don’t know what you will be getting. I can, however, look back and laugh at it all, and see how there is no science to love. You meet someone you like, date them for a while, and if they are worth it you stick with them through the good and bad.

    I must say, though, that I am perpetually perplexed by the number of men that always try to befriend a woman (married or not) with little intention of actually being her friend (I know, because the moment you express how you, or your hot friends, are NOT interested in sex or a relationship they bolt). But that is another age old question that has been explored in many a witty, and sometimes not-so-witty, posts.

  37. Laura (@laura_march) August 20, 2013 at 12:29 pm #

    thank you sooooooo much for this article!!! it all makes sense now.

  38. Nitpicker August 27, 2013 at 7:28 pm #

    Men are assholes, period. So why not date a rich asshole. It is simple as that. Women are smart that way.

  39. Anonymous February 27, 2014 at 4:01 pm #

    i can tell you that almost all males are worthless fucking assholes especially when they call females hot chicks and that mens their total assholes and only want sex. i’m happily married and when i hear a male say to me man i met this totally hot chick and can’t wait to get her to bed i tell him to fuck off and jerk himself off. 99.9% of males are so fucked up in their heads they don’t know a good woman if she were starring in his face.

  40. Bill November 13, 2014 at 7:04 pm #

    I have to disagree that an asshole has to be rich. I knew a jerk who was enjoying the sexual favors of 4 attractive women (and they all knew it and did not care). He was a failure in everything except his success with women. He did not get along with his boss and was always close to being fired, never advanced in his job and had a terrible relationship with his family. I keep telling my male friends: If you want to understand women, take a good hard look at the guys they date and draw your own conclusions. Repeat, stop eyeballing the women and look at the guys they date. The women will fall from the pedestal right into the gutter.

  41. Anonymous July 4, 2015 at 9:49 am #

    it’s no that women date assholes it’s that most women want relationships and most men just want casual sex and that’s like charlie and alan harper, the biggest sex driven assholes of all time. if you noticed all of charlies girfriends are white american with exception of one asian america and one polish girl from poland and she’s really from poland from what i understand, i hate women of eastern europe, all gold diggers for i know, my family originates from eastern europe, i’m american made

  42. thomas August 16, 2015 at 9:50 am #

    tell this college asshole that white american females only like worthless assholes like charlie and alan harper and nice guys come last well to all white american women:


  43. matt peterson December 8, 2015 at 7:19 pm #

    i dont know where this nice guys finish last or nice guys are pussies and doormats started but i don’t agree with it at all.Any decent women with self-respect wouldnt give bad boys the time of day and would kill to be with the good guy.and i dont care for women who hurt nice guys because they are too nice.my response to these women is “well,maybe you wouldnt think he was too nice if he threw you against the wall and beat the living crap out of you would you.if he did i think you would want him to go back to being too nice wouldnt you.i myself am an unemployed 41 year old bachelor.i consider myself easy going calm sweet ok looking and capable of hysterical humor.i will be the first to admit i used to be way too nice and was a doormat for everybody.but being hurt alot changed me.im very simple.if you respect me ill walk through water for you.if you hurt or disrespect me ill be your worst enemy.one girl hurt me because i was too nice and i wish i had said to her what i said earlier in my post.oh well that was a long time ago.my biggest issue and hurt ever is that every day i have to live with the fact that the woman who i totally click with and have a personality match so positive with its frightening i can never be with because she has so many issues.i tried to get together several times and she thought it was better to date bad boys than a guy compatable with her in most areas.i totally admit if i never get together with her ill die heartbroken but i can take solace in the fact that i did everything in my power to show her i was scary compatable with her and she just is sooooooo immature and will eventually regret throwing me away all those times.maybe she’ll wake up and realize her horrible mistake when shes older single miserable and lonely.she has other issues too which i wont get into.she never really did anything bad in life but just has too many issues right now for us to have something that really should have happened a long time ago, something so real, right and legitamite.i hope nobody has to experience pain like im having right now at any point in their life.i wouldnt wish this on anybody.

    • Mayflower December 9, 2015 at 4:48 am #

      Ah! I used to be like that girls. So I understand your reply. It took me a hell of a lot of time to mature, but by then I had lost too many good men. The reason for my immaturity was that I grew up in a home where my parents didn’t care to even talk to me. They didn’t allow me to go play with other kids and were very abusive like hitting me and all. I grew up lonely. I had no role model, I dint even know how to interact with another person.I used to watch other kids and later other girls my age to learn how to behave in a situation. Later I found myself, though very late in life. So forgive here please.

      • matt peterson December 13, 2015 at 6:48 am #

        thanks mayflower for shedding light,hope and sense into my situaton.and if i sounded like i was ripping into this girl i really wasnt.i just let my hurt feelings get the best of me like i sometimes do.no harm was intended.i just want to make this girl realize how much are personalities click and how positively they match and i have since i met her ages ago but now she’s nowhere to be found.and i understand your reply because my parents really didnt talk to me that match when i was younger and didnt really hit me alot but were verbally abusive sometimes.they raised me not to be judgemental and mean but sometimes they dont practice what they preach and to be honest with you it hurts and is frustrating at times.


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